


The Beautiful Name

by xDemonPonx



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDemonPonx/pseuds/xDemonPonx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiroto has had feelings for Shou for 9 years. Tonight, he lets spill</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beautiful Name

**Author's Note:**

> Title has nothing to do with anything, inspired by the performance of The Beautiful Name from Court of "9" #4

Gods, were they really about to do a performance to usher in their ninth year? Yes, it really had been nine years. Nine years of Hiroto holding things back. In these nine years, every dream he’d ever had as a boy learning the guitar had come true. Everything he’d never dared to dream as he strummed his guitar hoping to one day be like hide.

There was just one small problem. In the course of those nine years, another dream had been born. One that couldn’t even be acted upon. Hiroto couldn’t even pinpoint when he had fallen for Shou. Shou had been there guiding him, looking out for him when he was still a newcomer and craved the warmth and comfort of another. Before Hiroto knew it, Shou had become an irreplaceable person, an entity as much a part of Hiroto as his heart or lungs, a being that he needed beside him all the time.  
He could never let it show though, never let on to Shou how he felt. It was just too much to risk. Shou was his best friend, the one who knew everything about him. If Hiroto said anything and Shou rejected him, could their friendship really survive? Could Hiroto really look at Shou the same way after being hurt like that? Would Shou ever comfort Hiroto again knowing it would mean more to Hiroto? And if they fought, no way would the friendship survive that betrayal of hurt.

Not to mention the band they had all sacrificed so much for for nine years. The hurt, the sadness, the joys too. It was all too much. If the two fought, everyone would choose sides and a rift would form. Even if they were to be together, the dynamics of the band would change. They would no longer be five individuals, the way they interacted would change. And if they became one of those couples totally wrapped up in each other and retreated into their own world, they would be shutting out both their friends and the fans.  
  
“Come on Pon,” Tora’s words cut into Hiroto’s reverie and he jumped up. Nothing felt as good as performing, except maybe being alone with Shou….  
  
As Shou launched into the traditional Ichigatsu Tsuitachi, Hiroto found himself thanking the gods that he didn’t have to do anything, could listen to Shou’s beautiful voice without distraction. He heard this voice all the time but hearing it when he didn’t have anything else to concentrate on was different.

As Shou began to sing the Beautiful Name, Hiroto found himself once again wishing the words were directed at him, wishing he could be the one in Shou’s heart. No, he couldn’t think like this, had to focus. As he always did.

During Hello, World as Shou strummed his guitar, he turned to Hiroto and smiled. Hiroto felt for a second like they were connected, like Shou could see inside his heart. Until Shou broke the connection and Hiroto once again remembered they were nothing more than close friends.  
  
After the show, everyone was tired and just went home except for Hiroto, who found himself at Shou’s place, watching some anime or other. He didn’t care. He never cared when he was with Shou, preferring to steal glances at the goofy grin of a geek in his element.

Nine years; it was a long time to hold something in. Especially when it affected his playing. Maybe he’d even be able to function better if it was off his chest.

Every time Hiroto was alone with Shou, thoughts of spilling his feelings rose to the surface. Logic usually oriented him back to reality but not this time. Maybe it was the New Year, maybe he was still on a high from performing, maybe he just couldn’t hold it in any more.

Before he could stop himself, Hiroto heard himself saying “Shou, we need to talk.”

Shou looked a little surprised at the idea of a serious talk at 3am but turned to face Hiroto who picked up the remote and turned the TV off.

“It’s about….”Hiroto scrambled for the words. Now he was here, he didn’t want to be, wished he could turn back time a few seconds “We’ve known each other nine years, right?” he began.

“Right,” confirmed Shou, unsure why Hiroto was stating the obvious.

“And in that time, you were my guide and you became my best friend,” he continued.

“Mmhmm,” replied Shou, wondering where this was going and hoping it got there fast, he was beginning to feel sleepy.

“And now….you’ve become more than a best friend, you’ve become someone I care about,” Hiroto’s heart thumped, but the words were there now, no putting them back.

Shou blinked. Wow. He had never imagined Hiroto would say that. “Hiroto, I care about you too,” Shou began and the look in his eyes was so pure, Hiroto almost leaned in for a kiss but before he could, Shou continued, “But not how you mean. Besides, we can’t, there is too much to risk.” The look on his face turned instantly to pity, pity that he’d made Hiroto feel this way.

Hiroto sighed and looked away, not wanting to reveal to Shou tears that couldn’t be comforted.

Shou yawned, announced he was going to bed and fetched bedding for Hiroto who would obviously be sleeping on the couch as it was FAR too late to be going home.  
  
  
Hiroto lay in the dark beating his head off the pillow. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What had he expected to gain? Of course Shou didn’t feel that way, Hiroto was his best friend, his little brother. Shou had probably never even thought of Hiroto that way. Of course he had to get away. Hiroto tossed and turned; every time he closed his eyes, the image of Shou’s pity swam before him. The pity that he couldn’t force himself to feel the same and pity that he’d never be able to be alone with Hiroto. The words echoed in Hiroto’s mind ‘But not now you mean.’ Well, that was it, wasn’t it? Probably the kindest way to say ‘I don’t love you’. Maybe by saying something, he’d ruined everything. Hiroto kicked at air; he wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.  
  
When he heard Shou moving, Hiroto sat up too, hoping the bags under his eyes wouldn’t betray him too much. This was going to be strange. Shou came in and sat with his coffee, the men in awkward silence. Eventually, Hiroto offered to make pancakes. As he was mixing batter, he let his frustrations escape in the form of whisking; he and Shou would never be the same and it was all his fault. He split them in half, poured liberal amounts of syrup on both plates and taking them into the living room. He put one in front of Shou and dug into his own, needing the sugar high. The pair slipped into awkward silence again. Hiroto eventually set his fork down.

“Ok Shou, if my saying anything has made you awkward, pretend it never happened,” Hiroto could go back to pretending, after all, he’d pretending for nine years.

“I don’t want to act like it never happened, I just want…” instead of finishing, Shou found himself dispensing with words and bringing his lips to Hiroto’s. His lips were still sticky from syrup and Hiroto giggled as their lips resisted parting.

“But last night,” said Hiroto “You said you didn’t feel the same.”

“That was something I had been telling myself for years to keep my distance from you,” admitted Shou “I’ve felt like that for….as long as I can remember. There are so many risks that I just told myself I didn’t feel anything to stop myself taking it any further. The truth is, with you, the risks don’t seem as scary.”

“That’s right, we’ll face everything together,” said Hiroto.

  
He leaned in and gave Shou another kiss. One that in their minds lasted forever.  


End file.
